He came to church today

-

He was in the foyer for about 15–20 minutes, and I tried to savor the moment. But I’m not going to talk to him. 

1. He doesn't like me

2. He’s going to BYU soon 

3. He wants someone who’s 5'10" (which is totally understandable)

I’ve always liked taller guys too, and there’s nothing wrong with having preferences. For me, it’s mainly because I find it more attractive, and it makes things like eating more and maintaining weight easier (genes I’d want for my kids).

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Survival of the fittest

-
You know, ever since I was 10, I’ve hated the way I looked—except for one brief year, from 22 to 23. That was when I started going to church and thought, for once, that the guys I liked actually liked me back. But that feeling was short-lived. I was wrong—they all chose other girls over me. Returning to the body dysmorphia, the crying, the self-hate—it felt like coming home. Like slipping back into my natural state. Strangely, there was comfort in it. That year—when I thought I was finally seen—was confusing. I kept asking, If they find me attractive, then why don’t they choose me? The answer? I was wrong. They didn’t find me that attractive.  Anyway, I don’t know if I want to keep going to church anymore. With body dysmorphia, you hate yourself so much that the idea of friends or family seeing you becomes unbearable. At least that’s how it’s been for me. But here’s the part I weirdly love: going back to wearing no makeup, being okay with being “ugly,” not trying to impress anyone...
Read more

Heartbreak, Again

-
Today has been an exceptionally difficult day. It felt like I was experiencing heartbreak all over again. I’m fairly certain that the man who shall not be named has moved on; I think he’s seeing someone new. She’s stunning and seems to share quite a bit in common with him. I spent some time crying in public bathrooms today because I couldn’t hold it in. The emotional weight was intense — I felt profoundly depressed. Swimming offered a small reprieve, a brief respite from the heaviness. I won’t lie, there were moments when I truly wanted to disappear. However, a post on Reddit gave me some perspective (I’ve attached it below). It’s painful to realize that all the time we shared, all the experiences, conversations, activities — none of it seemed to matter to him. He doesn’t desire a future like that. He doesn’t prioritize our shared moments: going to the pool, discussing nutrition, playing ping pong, or even simple acts of affection. He once said I treated him sweetly, but perhaps his pr...
Read more

Explore other possible paths for my life.

-
I used to love chemistry in high school. I’d say it came from a natural curiosity. I think I even scored a 5 on the AP Chemistry exam. Sometimes I wonder if I should have pursued chemical engineering in college. I also think a lot about philosophy—imagine reading all those books. Psychology fascinates me too, and I feel like my natural curiosity would make self-studying it really enjoyable. I’ve even considered skipping college, working and investing for four years while living with my parents.  Oh wow, actually, imagine going to BYU and studying dance—or honestly, anything. There are so many great majors, and since it’s much cheaper than the University of Michigan, I wouldn’t have to worry so much about debt or choosing a major just for high earning potential. There are so many good paths. But I have to say, economics at UMich still feels like the right choice for me. I won’t lie—it feels nice having people assume I’m smart just because I got into U-Mich. I'm happy I picked e...
Read more