Aida Hashemi

It’s as simple as that—I just need to accept it. I used to be smarter about this simple fact (I'm referring to High School). It really is easy to understand, yet somehow I’ve recently struggled with it. Sure, it makes me a little sad, but I’m also so excited about playing pickleball, swimming, going to the sauna, and more. Freedom! I’m not going to let this ruin my life. I’m going to focus on enjoying life to the fullest and finding a healthy balance between work and my hobbies. That’s it—simple as that.

I can’t believe school will be finished soon—I’m so, so happy I’ll finally be free. Freedom! Freedom! I’m planning to binge-watch TV, binge-read books, go to the sauna, and swim. I seriously can’t wait to read in the sauna!!! By the way, I had such a relaxing weekend last week. I watched  You  with German subtitles, and it was really nice. I’ve also been wanting to finish  Ginny & Georgia —I love Paul and Georgia together. Their relationship is so cute, and I just love Paul. I really want to finish it, but I’ve been telling myself that delayed gratification is best. If I start studying seriously for finals now, I’ll have way less stress later.

We were at the baptism, and when things wrapped up with snacks in the gym, he mentioned there was volleyball and pickleball equipment available. We ended up playing right then and there! I’m so grateful for those sports—I’ve been loving pickleball especially lately.  This experience made me realize how cool it would be to have a like-minded partner who wants to play with you anytime, anywhere. Even at the end of a celebration, while everyone else is hanging out and eating, you two are there playing together. I never used to think having those specific things in common was important, but I can’t lie: it’s actually really nice.

 ^ Just 15 mins ago.... I don't know why, but that's really meaningful to me. :)

I’ve just been at Panera studying and trying to become a better student, and I feel so much better most days. I’m not healing from emotional betrayal anymore — at least not most days. I still don’t like life very much when I don’t get enough sleep, but that’s mostly in my control. I’m trying to be mindful of food and exercise — like not eating too late, exercising enough to feel tired, and not staying out too late. I have to be careful. Man, I love life so much more now. The peace I feel is incredible. Listening to “Cinnamon Girl” and simply enjoying the song without emotional distress feels incredible.

I think the man who shall not be named is getting married within the next couple of years. He’s seeing someone, and wow—they look really happy. I’m genuinely happy for them. At the same time, I’ve been wanting to reach out to him to say congratulations and to apologize again for my past behavior. But the right thing to do is to say nothing, no matter how much I want to. This is how people’s lives get ruined—when a third party tempts someone to cheat. I would absolutely never cheat, but the only reason I want to reach out is because of  my  feelings, and that alone means I shouldn’t. There’s no good outcome: I could get rejected. I wouldn’t get rejected, but his girlfriend’s heart would be broken. He could lead both of us on and cheat in some capacity. Every possible outcome is bad, so I won’t say a word—no matter how badly I want to. UGH. It can be so hard to do the right thing. But I know it will be rewarding in the future.