Aida Hashemi

It’s amazing how much there is to the art of studying and learning. For example, Quizlet was a lifesaver in high school — I used the “write” function constantly for French, and for philosophy, I’d turn on text-to-speech and let it read aloud when I was too tired to do it myself. The “write” function especially helped me learn actively, which is so crucial. I also made it fun by playing music in the background. Now, with ChatGPT beside me, I can review my notes, ask questions, and have everything I need right in front of me — it’s like having the perfect study companion.

Wow — going to the dining hall has elevated my quality of life. I’m not sure whether it’s the blueberries, cherries, strawberries, kale, lettuce, beets, ginger, black olives, banana peppers, carrots, pickles, or that refreshing tabbouleh bursting with lemon and chickpeas — but something about it all has lifted my mood and energy. I feel noticeably happier and more grounded since I started eating there. I’m deeply grateful for that nourishing, joyful space. Sure, I can’t swim as often as I’d like, but the dining hall brings its own kind of serenity — and life feels richer, brighter, and more beautiful now.

I went to the pool today and only swam for 30 minutes. My knees have been hurting from doing too much breaststroke over the past few days, so I’ve decided to take it easy and only swim for 30–45 minutes a day instead of a full hour. Lately, I’ve been feeling unsure again about bringing kids into the world. Swimming used to be one of the things I was most excited about, and now that I have to cut back, it makes me sad. I guess I could just do more freestyle kicking and still swim for an hour—just less breaststroke—but it still makes me sad that so many sports can cause injuries so easily. Sometimes it feels like I can never win in this life. I guess in Heaven I’ll be able to play for unlimited amounts of time and experience no pain. That’s really nice. But here on Earth, there are so many limits and so many betrayals. It’s so exhausting. I’m sorry for being negative—I just felt that this was the truth. I really want to be kind and fair. And I don’t think it’s kind or fair to have childr...

I despise the way I look. There are so many things about myself that I can’t stand. I could never be with someone like you. You were right when you said you had higher standards — it makes complete sense to me now. I loathe myself, and I’m grateful that you saw me for who I truly am. Attractive men have never loved me, and perhaps they never will. Thankfully, life on this earth isn’t eternal, and all painful things shall eventually pass.

Today has been an exceptionally difficult day. It felt like I was experiencing heartbreak all over again. I’m fairly certain that the man who shall not be named has moved on; I think he’s seeing someone new. She’s stunning and seems to share quite a bit in common with him. I spent some time crying in public bathrooms today because I couldn’t hold it in. The emotional weight was intense — I felt profoundly depressed. Swimming offered a small reprieve, a brief respite from the heaviness. I won’t lie, there were moments when I truly wanted to disappear. However, a post on Reddit gave me some perspective (I’ve attached it below). It’s painful to realize that all the time we shared, all the experiences, conversations, activities — none of it seemed to matter to him. He doesn’t desire a future like that. He doesn’t prioritize our shared moments: going to the pool, discussing nutrition, playing ping pong, or even simple acts of affection. He once said I treated him sweetly, but perhaps his pr...

 It’s funny that I write on my blog. I think I’ll be the only one who reads it—unless: I become well-known among a certain group of people (more than 10,000), someone becomes obsessed with me (for whatever reason). I hope that doesn’t happen; I don’t think it’s healthy for anyone unless I’m positively influencing their life and they genuinely want more of my advice and perspectives, or someone is stalking me for some reason I can’t even imagine.